daria
in
NOTES:
This is a fifth-season story, taking place before 揊izz Ed?(October, to be precise). For those who have read it, it also takes place just after my story 揑s Summer Over Already??but for the most part the goings-on in that fic won抰 be referred to in this one, so there抯 no need to worry about reading that one first (I do ask you to read it just for the sake of doing so, however). I prefer each of my stories to stand alone.
However, readers may understand some of the references better if they抳e seen the following episodes:
揟he Old and the Beautiful?/p>
揝peedtrapped?/p>
揑s It Fall Yet??/p>
part one
INT: O扤eill抯 classroom
Mr. O扤eill is 搕eaching?while the students show their usual bored indifference. Daria and Jane sit near the front.
O扤eill: Before we get started on 揂 Tale of Two Cities?I wanted to ask the class about some of our feelings upon completing 揥uthering Heights? I know it was a very?emotional tale, and some of our more sensitive students might have come away from it feeling a bit?shall we say, disturbed.
Daria: (to Jane) 揇isturbed.?span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Yes, I think that describes some of us very well.
O扤eill: Jane!
Jane: What the hell did I do?
O扤eill: You抮e an artist, Jane, and so you must be very in touch with your deepest emotions. How did this book make you feel?
Jane: I抎 have to go with?sleepy.
O扤eill: Huh?
Jane: (sighs) I don抰 know, Mr. O扤eill?I just couldn抰 identify with the lead character. I found it really hard to put myself in that kind of position, and really relate to the story. It抯?kind of troubling, really.
O扤eill: Oh, that抯 a shame. I抣l leave you to sort out your inner turmoil. Anyone else?
Daria: (whispers) Nice save.
Jane: You don抰 go through self-esteem class seven times with this guy without learning what the right things to say are.
O扤eill: Moving along ?Heathcliffe is often described as a Byronic Hero. Kevin, what do you think this means?
Kevin: Whoa, you mean he had a mechanical arm or something? Man, now I wish I抎 read the book!
Jane: You know, he can actually be kind of entertaining to watch, in a monkey-at-the-zoo kind of way.
Daria: Unfortunately, there抯 a drawback.
Jane: What?
O扤eill: Daria, what are your thoughts on Wuthering Heights?
Daria: (to Jane) That.
Before Daria can speak, Ms. Li barges into the classroom.
Jane: Saved!
Daria: Guess again.
Ms. Li: Students, I have wonderful news!
Jane: (aside) Ooch, this can抰 be good.
Ms. Li: In cooperation with many different worthwhile organizations here in Laaawndale, your school has embarked upon an innovative and forward-thinking new program that, I am sure, will inspire our students to maximize their potential as citizens and as human beings.
Daria: (aside) She抯 been reading that list of power words again.
Jane: (aside) How intriguing and progressive of her.
Ms. Li: This program will be called 揕aaawndale Outreach!?span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> It will be a chance for you young people to bond with your community, by performing various acts of community service throughout this, er, community.
Daria: (aside) I抦 feeling more communal all the time.
Jane: (aside) Da, comrade.
Ms. Li: Furthermore, the state is offering a grant to the school which shows the most dedication to the service of its community.
Daria: (aside) Ah. Funds. This all makes sense now.
Ms. Li: So, today after class, students will be asked to come down to the main office and sign up for a community service assignment.
Daria: (aloud) 揂sked?as in 揅ompelled?
Ms. Li: Let抯 have none of your backtalk, Miss Morgendorffer! Of course, participation is strictly voluntary, except in select cases where students do not choose to volunteer. However I fail to see why any student would choose not to participate in this wonderful program, which is sure to teach valuable skills to the students of Laaawndale High, foster bonding with the city of Laaawndale, and give pride to the citizens of Laaawndale.
Daria: (aside) If she says 揕aaawndale?one more time, I抣l gnaw my own leg off.
Jane: (aside) Save me a drumstick?
Ms. Li: In addition, students involved in the program will receive Participation Credit, without which you cannot graduate.
Daria: Excuse me? What the hell is 揚articipation Credit??/p>
Ms. Li: It was all explained in the School Review Meeting held last Sunday. Handouts were given to attendees.
Jane: Both of them?
Ms. Li: Here at Laaawndale High, we recognize the need for students to experience the, quote, 揜eal World.?/p>
Jane: I don抰 get cable at my house.
Ms. Li: I should think you would all be thrilled to be presented with such an opportunity to help others in your town.
Daria: As a former participant in 揂wareness of Others Week? I suggest that I抳e done my part and it抯 time to pass the torch to the underclassmen.
Ms. Li: (ignoring her) Remember! Sign up today at three o抍lock! Carry on, Mr. O扤eill. (exits)
O扤eill: Well! What an exciting opportunity! I hope that you all take advantage of it and learn one of life抯 most valuable lessons: that great feeling you get when you give of yourself.
Daria: We learned all about that in Health class last year.
Mr. O扤eill goes red with embarrassment. Fortunately for him the bell rings. Everyone grabs up their books and makes for the door.
Daria: Come on, let抯 get to that sign-up sheet.
Jane: Quite the little joiner, aren抰 we?
Daria: Remember what happened last time?
Jane: (getting up quickly) I rather enjoyed it myself, but for your sake, let抯 move.
INT: Hallway
Sandi and Stacy are leaving class together.
Sandi: I can抰 believe this. The Fashion Club is a community service in and of itself. We should be exempt from this kind of thing.
Stacy: You are so right Sandi!
Sandi: Of course I am. Someday, they抣l see that.
Stacy: Uh-oh. There抯 a bunch of people going for the sign-up sheet. Shouldn抰 we hurry?
Sandi: I抣l tell you what, Stacy. Why don抰 you run in there and sign us both up for something? There抯 no reason we both have to scramble through that crowd.
Stacy: Oh?but, Sandi, I don抰 think I should pick for you, I mean, what if I pick the wrong thing?
Sandi: I have complete confidence in you, Stacy. Besides, as President of the Fashion Club, it is my duty to delegate responsibility. Go now, quickly!
Stacy: Ohhh! I bet I get all sweaty! (Stacy takes a deep breath, holds it, and plunges into the crowd that抯 rapidly forming around the sign-up lists)
Sandi: And don抰 sign up for clothes donation! (shudders) Never again?/p>
CUT TO: Quinn and Tiffany, leaving a different class.
Quinn: Don抰 worry, Tiffany, I抣l make sure we get something good. As Vice-President of the Fashion Club, it抯 my duty to take responsibility.
Tiffany: You抮e sooo smart, Quinn?/p>
Quinn: But I抦 not like, you know, a brain or anything!
Tiffany: Of course not?/p>
Quinn: All right, so I抦 trying harder and getting better grades and stuff, but I抦 still the same Quinn!
Tiffany: There抯 a different girl named Quinn? Where?
Quinn: Look, I抣l prove it to you! (she spots the three J抯) Joey? Jeffy? Simon?
Joey: Hi Quinn!
Jeffy: Hey, Quinn!
Jamie: (whiny) Quinn! That wasn抰 even close!
Quinn: Sure, Johnny. Listen, could you guys do me a favor? I can抰 get to the sign-up sheet because there are too many people in the way.
Joey: I抣l get 慹m out of the way!
Jeffy: I抎 move mountains for you, Quinn!
Jamie: Life sucks. (Quinn bats her eyelashes at him) Whatever you want, Quinn!
The
three J抯 plow forcefully into the crowd, leaving a hole in their wake and
getting a lot of people very angry.
Quinn: You guys are the best! (she strides into the gap left behind by the J抯 and makes her way straight to the sign-up sheet) Let抯 see here?parks and recreation maintenance, not! Serving food to the homeless?yeah, right. Clothes donation drive ?oh God, never again! Reading to day-care students?ick. Here we go! Animal Shelter Volunteer! All those cute little puppies and kitties need me?hey Tiffany, I found a good one!
Quinn signs her name and Tiffany抯 to the list, then moves back out of the crowd, which crushes behind her as the three J抯 lose their footing and are practically trampled.
CUT TO: Jane and Daria, arriving on the scene.
Jane: Did you ever want to see what would really happen if you went into a crowded room and yelled 揊ire!?/p>
Daria: Tempting?but I suggest we use more subtle methods. Just follow my lead.
Jane: I leave it in your capable hands.
Daria leads Jane into the crowd
Daria: (loudly) Say, Jane, isn抰 this where they抮e having the signups for the ballet team?
Assorted Football Players: WHAT?? (they run for it)
Jane: No, I抦 pretty sure that this is the Chess Team tryouts!
Several Other Students: NO WAY!! (more students run for it)
Daria: Wait, I抳e got it! This is the line for summer school!
Many more students stampede out of the way.
Daria: That thinned the herd a bit. Let抯 go.
Jane: I抦 lost in admiration.
They move forward to sign up.
Daria: (looking over the sheet) Hm.
Jane: Not much to choose from. Ballet team might have been preferable. Wait, here抯 a good one! (she signs her name)
Daria: What is it?
Jane: Graffiti removal! Closest thing to painting they抳e got. Unfortunately, there抯 only one opening left.
Daria: I抦 heartbroken. (sigh) Let抯 face it, there抯 nothing actually appealing here. (she signs her name)
Jane: (looking over) What did you pick?
Daria: I抣l tell you later. The crowd抯 coming back, I suggest we make a hasty exit.
They leave just as the crowd crushes against the tables again.
INT: Pizza Prince
Jane and Daria sip cokes while waiting for their pizza. Trent moseys in and takes a seat next to Jane.
Trent: Hey, Jane. Hey, Daria. What抯 going on?
Daria: The usual zaniness.
Trent: Where抯 Tom today?
Daria: He抯 out of town for a while. His parents are making him check out a few Ivy-league colleges. Judging by his experiences, I can thank my lucky stars that my parents can抰 afford to fly me around the country doing the same thing.
Jane: Yeah, lucky you. You get to go to Middleton.
Daria: And on that day, Satan will be going to work in a snow plow.
Jane picks up a paper in front of her and glances over it.
Trent: What抯 that? You doing homework or something?
Jane: Trent, how long have we known each other?
Daria: It抯 Ms. Li抯 latest scheme. We抮e all doing community service projects. Ms. Li provides a free source of slave labor, in return for which she gets kickbacks.
Trent: Whoa. Ever see the Shawshank Redemption?
Daria: There抯 a difference here. In prison, there抯 a chance to escape.
Jane: I signed up for graffiti removal. This is a list of some of the more defaced areas of town. I picked it up on the way over here.
Trent: Cool. What did you get, Daria?
Daria: I抦 assisting at an elementary school for gifted and talented kids.
Jane: What do they need tutoring for, if they抮e so damn smart?
Daria: The way I see it, if that抯 the case, I get off easy. And if not, I get to mold the minds of our future leaders. It抯 a win-win situation.
Jane: Daria, when will you learn? Since when did you have a win-win situation that worked to your advantage in the end?
Silence.
Jane: While you抮e thinking about that, could we get some pizza? I need some Canadian bacon.
INT: Cranberry Commons, Food Court
Quinn and Tiffany are sitting together over salads and tiny sodas.
Quinn: So then I said, Look lady, if you抮e all out of salmon pink lip gloss, don抰 think for a moment that you can get me to buy melon pink lip gloss and think it抯 the same thing, because not only do I have a flawless color sense but I was not born yesterday and I抦 not going to be taken in by your fast sales talk, and she just had nothing to say to that so I turned on my heel and walked straight out of there.
Tiffany: Wow, Quinn, you really ?/p>
Quinn: So then I just went over to Blushes and Brushes and they had just gotten a whole new box of salmon pink lip gloss and that glittery eyeshadow right off the truck that morning so I was the first one to dip into the box, but I only got a half-dozen of each because who knows what I抎 do with it next month when everything points to darker reds coming back in.
Tiffany: Really, that抯 ?/p>
Quinn: Anyway, I抦 so glad that we抮e going in together on this project because it抯 going to be so great helping all those cute little animals find homes and besides, I really like talking to you, Tiffany.
Tiffany: Sure, Quinn. (sees Sandi and Stacy approaching, and looks happy and relieved) Hey, guys! It抯 really great to see you?/p>
Stacy: (ignoring Tiffany) I抦 really sorry, Sandi! I抦 really, really, really, really sorry!
Sandi: For the last time, Stacy, just let it go!
Quinn: What happened?
Stacy: It抯 like this ?/p>
Sandi: (interrupting) Stacy signed us both up to assist in the annual quilting bee at the Better Days Nursing Home.
Stacy: (crying) It said there would be fabric samples! Fabric samples, Sandi!
Quinn: Oh, Sandi, that抯 a shame. But look on the bright side! You抣l learn so much about sewing, maybe you can make your own outfits instead of having to go to Cashman抯 all the time! (smirks)
Sandi: (scowling) And what, if I may ask, is your contribution to the community this year?
Quinn: Oh, Tiffany and I are volunteering at the animal shelter! We抮e going to help all those adorable little animals find a home.
Stacy: (stops crying) Really? That抯 so nice, Quinn!
Sandi: Too bad we抣l be sewing quilts all day. Think of all the animals that won抰 ever find homes because we won抰 be there to help them.
With a loud bawl, Stacy resumes crying. Quinn and Tiffany glare at Sandi, who glares back for a moment. Then she notices that a number of other people, some of them Lawndale students, who have taken note of Stacy抯 distress, also glaring at her. Realizing that she may have gone too far, she gets a slightly ashamed look on her face.
Quinn: (getting up) Come on, Stacy. Let抯 go to the bathroom and fix your makeup. We can抰 have people seeing a member of the club go all to pieces.
Stacy: (blubbering) It s-said there would be f-fabric, Quinn.
Quinn: There, there now?it抣l be all right.
Tiffany and Sandi sit in awkward silence for a bit.
Tiffany: Um?I need another soda. (she leaves)
Sandi watches her go, and then slumps onto the table, her chin resting on her hand. Glancing around, she sees the crowd mostly going back to their business. She also notices Jodie, who focuses back down at a newspaper just after Sandi notices her disapproving look.
Sandi: What are you looking at?
Jodie: (not looking up) Do you really want to know?
Sandi: (getting riled up) Hey, how I handle Stacy is none of your business!
Jodie: I didn抰 say anything.
Sandi: Go on, tell me what you really think. That I抦 a cast-iron bitch who treats her friends like dirt.
Jodie: (finally looking up, and getting ready to leave) Sounds like I don抰 need to tell you. (she exits)
Sandi looks like she抯 about to say something, then collapses with an air of defeat.
INT: Quinn抯 room
Quinn抯 on the phone.
Quinn: God, that was so embarrassing! I mean, her mascara was running all down her cheeks and everything, she didn抰 even want to leave the bathroom.
Tiffany: (from phone) I know?/p>
Quinn: So, what happened to Sandi?
Tiffany: She just left?/p>
Quinn: That抯 weird. Anyway, it抯 probably just as well, I think Stacy would have started crying again as soon as she saw her. So, what do you think we should wear to the animal shelter?
Tiffany: Hmm?that抯 hard, you know? I mean, we don抰 know what colors the animals will be?/p>
Quinn: It抯 something to think about. (-click-) I抦 getting another call, Tiffany, I抣l see you tomorrow.
Tiffany: Okay, Quinn?bye ?/p>
Quinn cuts her off by clicking over
Quinn: Hello? Oh hi, Sandi. (a little less enthusiastic than usual)
Split-screen
Sandi: Hi Quinn. Listen, I hope you don抰 mind that I had to run off like that?I, um, had an eyelash in my eye or something.
Quinn: Sure, Sandi. These things happen.
Sandi: Um, Quinn? You don抰 think I was too hard on Stacy, do you?
Quinn: Um?well?Stacy抯 just so tenderhearted, you know?
Sandi: I wouldn抰 want her to feel too bad about the whole quilting thing. I mean, it was just a misunderstanding.
Quinn: Yeah, well, she feels really bad about it.
Sandi: Uh, yeah. Well, I should go now.
Quinn: Sure, Sandi.
Sandi: I抣l see you tomorrow. (hangs up)
Quinn: (also hangs up) What a bitch.
Daria: (standing in the doorway) Talking to your friends again?
Quinn: Eep! Daria, don抰 do that!
Daria: If you抮e finally off the phone, I want to call Tom.
Quinn: Daria, wait.
Daria: (sigh) Yes, Quinn?
Quinn: Did you ever know someone that you抎 been hanging around with for a while, and although you knew she had a bit of an attitude at first, you thought you could live with it, and after a while it just got worse until you begin to wonder why you stay around because she just gets on your nerves?
Daria: Actually, I feel that way right now.
Quinn: Fine, just go call your little boyfriend! (chucks smiley pillow at Daria and misses)
Daria: Quinn, if Sandi抯 getting on your case, just tell her off. You抮e smarter than she is, you should be able to take her on in any verbal volleyball match.
Quinn: It抯 not me, Daria. It抯 Stacy! I feel so bad about how Sandi treats her!
Daria: If Stacy抯 decided to be a doormat, there抯 nothing you can do for her. She has to figure it out for herself. Just make sure you抮e there for her if you want her to have someone to turn to when she needs it. (she leaves)
Quinn: (sighs) Thanks Daria.
Quinn turns to the wall, deep in thought, until she抯 startled by the smiley pillow hitting her gently in the back. She starts to get mad, then realizes Daria didn抰 throw it very hard, and smirks a bit before going back to her brooding.
The Next Day...
EXT: Lawndale Learning and Growing Facility for the Gifted and Talented
The school is an old brick building, two stories tall, with a playground out back.
INT: Classroom
Daria walks into the classroom, and stops in the doorway.
Daria: Ah. The ninth circle of Hell.
The classroom is, in a word, untidy. The usual student desks and molded plastic chairs are present, but strewn about in a way that suggests that they were dropped from a great height and let scatter where they may. The walls are decorated with what is probably student art, and it makes Jane抯 stuff look tame by comparison. In addition, there are a number of animal cages with the tops off, and only about half of them still have the animals inside. The kids are engaged in various activities, including creating more hideous works of 揳rt? playing with the animals, reading, writing, pulled into discussion groups, etc. There are about thirty of them and two adults, one of whom perks up and notices Daria.
Teacher: Oh, you must be Daria!
Daria: I suppose it would be pointless to deny it at this stage.
Teacher: Please, come in. I抦 Marge, and I抦 one of the coordinators of the Blue group.
Daria: Good. I抦 feeling a little blue about this myself. (a minor explosion from a nearby chemistry kit makes her jump) What抯 going on, is this recess or something?
Marge: Oh no, we don抰 artificially structure the day in this facility. Our children are permitted to learn when they choose, teach when they choose, and recreate when they choose.
Daria: Does that mean I can go home when I choose?
Marge: (not paying attention) In this way, each learns at her or his own pace and at those times best suited to themselves. Come, let me introduce you to the people you抣l be sharing your time with. This is Gordon, he is the other Blue coordinator.
Gordon: Hello, Daria. It抯 wonderful that you could be here with us. Perhaps you could join our discussion of the cultural mores during the Wan-Chu Dynasty once you get settled.
Daria: (looks at the kindergarten-aged kids involved in the discussion) That抯 a little unsettling right there, actually.
Marge: Oh, and this is Lester, one of our promising young poets.
Lester抯 about six years old.
Daria: Hey, Lester.
Lester: I sense the weight of personal regret heavy on your bosom.
Daria: Excuse me?
Marge: Oh, and this is Elaine.
Elaine (a twelve-year old girl) twirls over to Daria, makes a graceful curtsey, then spins on her toes in the other direction, letting her long hair drape over Daria抯 shoulder as she does so.
Marge: Elaine is experimenting with communicating through interpretive dance. She just said how nice it was to meet you, and she hopes you抣l become good friends.
Daria: How does she dance to people she doesn抰 like?
Marge: You抣l have a chance to meet everyone as time goes on, of course, but it抯 best that they introduce themselves in their own time.
Daria: As long as no one is communicating through the use of blunt objects, I think I can handle that.
Marge: Wonderful! I抦 going to leave you to find your own potential as Coordinating Assistant. Feel free to join any of the discussions you see, or facilitate learning and growth wherever you can lend a hand.
Daria: Can抰 wait.
Marge goes back to her group of students. Daria stands in the middle of the room for a bit, looking at the scene around her with deadpan eyes. There抯 a tug on her sleeve. Daria looks down to see a little girl holding a large white rat.
Daria: Yes?
Girl: He peed on me.
EXT: City Hall
Jane and someone in coveralls with a clipboard stand in front of a brick wall that抯 been liberally defaced with spraypaint.
Floyd: (that抯 his name) Okay, Jen, let me give you the lowdown on this graffiti thing.
Jane: It抯 Jane.
Floyd: Sure. Anyway, you start with this wall, go around the civic center until you get all this crap painted over. Then we抣l head over to Lawndale Commons, and you can do the same thing there.
Jane: Easy enough.
Floyd: Here抯 a gallon of white and a roller. Have fun.
Jane: Excuse me, I don抰 paint with (shudders) rollers. I have some pride.
Floyd: You want to do half a mile of walls with a brush, I won抰 stop you.
Jane: (sigh) Van Gogh, forgive me. (she takes the roller between thumb and forefinger, holding it as far away from her as she can, and turns to start on the wall) Wow, look at this stuff. Hey, did anyone take a picture of this?
Floyd: No, and we didn抰 take pictures of the landfill before the Director of Public Works built his house on it, either. Just cover it up.
Jane: Yeah, but this is really cool. Look at this design. And this was all done with spraypaint?
Floyd: It抯 graffiti. Get rid of it.
Jane: It抯 art. I can抰 just destroy it!
Floyd: Hey, if you want to be an art critic, do it on your own time.
Jane: You don抰 get it, do you?
Floyd: Look, you can paint it white, or I抣l get someone else to do it. It抯 no skin off my back.
Jane: Go find someone else, then. (she drops the roller and paint bucket and stalks off)
INT: Animal Shelter
A man (Mr. Clay) is giving Quinn and Tiffany the tour. Quinn抯 dressed primarily in browns, Tiffany in avocado leggings and a white shirt
Mr. Clay: This is where we keep the larger dogs. They need to be fed once a day, and make sure each of them always has something to chew on.
Quinn: Where are the cute animals?
Mr. Clay: Over here is the vet抯 office. We have trained people to take care of the sick animals, so you won抰 have to deal with that much. Over there is where we keep the cats.
Tiffany: Kitties?cool?/p>
Mr. Clay: They generally get fed twice a day, but they won抰 usually eat everything in front of them all at once. Litterboxes should be changed once a day.
Tiffany: Why would you keep a box of trash in there with them?
Mr. Clay: (ignoring Tiffany) Moving right along, here抯 the smaller adult dogs, anything under twenty pounds. The puppies are in a different room.
Quinn is distracted by a poodle which is nosing the bars. She looks at the nametag.
Quinn: Hi, Snookums! Oh, aren抰 you precious!
The dog noses Quinn抯 offered hand and lets her scratch its head.
Quinn: That抯 a good puppy! (she takes a closer look at the nametag) Hey, this tag has tomorrow抯 date on it. Weird. Oh well, bye-bye Snookums!
Snookums whimpers a bit when Quinn leaves, then sits back down in the back of its cage.
Tiffany: (from up ahead) What抯 that?
Mr. Clay: It抯 a chinchilla.
Tiffany: Chin?Chin-chin?span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> hmmm?/p>
Quinn: Hey guys, wait up!
INT: Nursing Home
Sandi and Stacy come in through the front doors. Stacy looks as though she may start crying any moment, and Sandi looks worried about it and peeved about it at the same time. They are met by a nurse.
Sandi: Hello, I抦 Sandi Griffin, this is Stacy Rowe. We抮e here to volunteer.
Nurse: Not for reading, I hope? Not to be rude, but our residents are very picky about the tone of voice that our readers have?/p>
Sandi: (frowns) Exactly what is the matter with my voice?
Stacy: (small voice) We抮e here for quilting?/p>
Nurse: Oh, wonderful! Come right this way. You wouldn抰 believe how hard it is to get young people interested in the art of quilting.
Sandi: (glances at Stacy) I抦, um, sure it抯 fascinating.
Stacy: I didn抰 mean to, Sandi!
Sandi: It抯 all right, Stacy! You don抰 need to apologize any more, we抮e just going to make the best of it!
Stacy: It said (sniff) there would be fabric samples?/p>
Sandi sighs with exasperation as they round a corner into the sewing room.
Nurse: Do either of you have sewing experience?
Stacy: I have some?I mean, I can sew a button and stuff?/p>
Sandi: (hopefully) Out of curiosity, what if we don抰?
Nurse: Oh, our residents would be happy to teach you, of course! Now, Sandi, this is Mrs. Peabody, you抣l be working mostly with her.
Mrs. Peabody: Margaret? Is that you, dear?
Nurse: No, Mrs. Peabody, Margaret isn抰 here. (aside to Sandi) Mrs. Peabody always wanted a daughter, but she had eight boys instead. This week, she抯 been asking for her nonexistent daughter named Margaret. Don抰 be concerned if she wants you to call her 揗other?
Sandi: Umm?/p>
Nurse: Stacy, over here is Ms. Chaney.
Stacy: Hi.
Ms. Chaney: Well, aren抰 you a pretty little thing?
Stacy: (shy smile) Um, thanks.
Ms. Chaney: Oh, but I抦 being such a silly old woman, I抣l bet you hear that all the time from the boys in school. You don抰 need to hear it from me too.
Stacy: (blushing) That抯 really nice of you to say, Ms. Chaney?/p>
Ms. Chaney: Please dear, call me Janice. If we抮e going to be working together, we should be friendly with each other, don抰 you think so?
Stacy: Well, if you say so Ms Chan?Janice. (she giggles)
Ms. Chaney: Well dear, let抯 get right to work. I抦 not getting any younger, and we need to finish this quilt before I head down the tunnel of light. I imagine that you have an excellent color sense, I can tell by your clothes.
Stacy blushes and smiles, unused to so many compliments.
Sandi, in the meantime, is speaking with Mrs. Peabody.
Sandi: So, do you have, like, fabric samples or something that we抮e supposed to be looking at?
Mrs. Peabody: Do you know that you have your father抯 nose, Margaret?
Sandi: I抦 Sandi, Mrs. Peabody.
Mrs. Peabody: (a bit surprised) Oh! Forgive me, dearie, these eyes aren抰 what they used to be.
Sandi: It抯 quite all right.
Mrs. Peabody: You just look so much like your sister Margaret, it抯 hard to tell you apart.
Sandi rolls her eyes.
EXT: Highway
Kevin and Upchuck, both dressed in green coveralls, are standing by the roadside with a similarly dressed fat, balding man named Leon. Upchuck looks angry about something.
Leon: (talking around a cigar) Here抯 the drill, boys. Ten miles that way is the city limit. Pick up all the trash between here and there, bag it, and leave it to be collected the next morning. Any questions?
Kevin: (raising his hand) Yo, dude!
Leon: Yes?
Kevin: What are all these cars doing on our highway?
Leon: (Looks at Kevin as if he抯 a moron) Well, I抣l tell you. A few years back, someone realized that driving on the highway was a lot less bumpy than driving on plain dirt, and the idea caught on. Any more stupid questions?
Kevin: No, I mean, isn抰 the highway, like, ours? I mean, we adopted it, right?
Leon: Huh?
Upchuck: Don抰 bother, he抯 dumber than the pavement he抯 standing on.
Kevin: Hey!
Leon: Whatever. Just pick up the trash and watch out for traffic, we抳e got enough roadkill around here. (He gets in his pickup and drive off).
Kevin: (to Upchuck) Dude! That was like, really uncool!
Upchuck: Don抰 you know what 揂dopt-A-Highway?even means? It means we pick up trash and that抯 it! What kind of idiot signs up for this in the first place?
Kevin: Hey, maybe I抦 not a straight C student like some people, but I know my rights! This highway is mine now!
Upchuck: Whatever.
Kevin: Hey, besides, if you抮e so smart, what are you doing here?
Upchuck: How should I know? I signed up to volunteer at the YWCA therapeutic massage clinic! Someone switched my name, and if I ever find out who?/p>
A fast-food takeout bag flung from a passing car strikes upchuck in the head, splattering him with a ketchup-mustard mix. He grits his teeth and shakes his fist at the blue convertible from where the bag came.
INT: Blue Convertible
Ms. Barch: Enjoy your volunteer assignment, male scumbag! Ha Ha!
The next day...
EXT: Lawndale High
The lunch bell rings.
INT: Cafeteria
Daria and Jane sit at a table, picking at their food, not eating it.
Jane: Shouldn抰 we be talking about how our volunteering went, or something?
Daria: Sucked.
Jane: Ditto.
Silence.
Jane: So, why did yours suck so much?
Daria: It抯 like an entire room full of Guptys.
Jane: Ooch. Bummer.
Daria: They throw these kids together into this classroom with absolutely no boundaries whatsoever. I mean, I抦 all for defying authority, but when there抯 no authority to defy, it kind of messes everything up, you know? Am I making sense?
Jane: Not really. Actually, it kind of sounds like growing up in my house.
Daria: So, what sucks about your gig?
Jane: They want me to paint over graffiti.
Pause.
Daria: (motions for more with one hand) And?/p>
Jane: I don抰 want to.
Daria: Jane, forgive me if I seem obtuse, but what did you think 揋raffiti Removal?actually meant? Did you think they would move the vandalized walls brick by brick to a museum and then rebuild them?
Jane: Yeah, I know, but I figured it would be a bunch of meaningless squiggles and hearts with 揔evin Luvs Brittany?misspelled in them. Some of this stuff is real, genuine art. Just because it抯 on a wall in spraypaint instead of on a canvas with oils, they call it vandalism.
Daria: The nerve of some people.
Jane: You don抰 understand, Daria. Being raised by bohemians has taught me some important things: don抰 eat anything that moves; ask for I.D. when presented with so-called long lost relatives; never let anyone into the house who抯 wearing a suit and tie; and, above all, respect art in all its forms. The images on these walls may be made by hoodlums with spraypaint, but they抮e talented hoodlums with spraypaint who, like it or not, added some much-needed character to our little burg. I抳e spent my life creating art. I can抰 just destroy it.
Daria: Jane, have you considered the consequences of failing to deliver on one of Ms. Li抯 pet projects during your senior year?
Jane: I can take it.
Daria: Can you take being in the same class as Quinn and her friends?
Jane shrugs.
Daria: Another year of Mr. DiMartino?
Jane looks doubtful.
Daria: Kevin and Brittany are probably going to flunk too, you know.
Jane: (shudders) That wall will be white by next Tuesday.
Daria: Atta girl.
Jodie approaches.
Jodie: Hey guys, mind if I sit here?
Daria: Before you say anything, be aware that we each already have one more extra-curricular than we抎 ordinarily deem prudent.
Jodie: (a little miffed) Look, Mack抯 sitting with his football buddies. I just want a change of company for a bit.
Jane: Forgive my blunt friend. Have a seat.
Jodie: Thanks.
Daria: Sorry, Jodie.
Jodie: (shrugs) Eh. No big deal. So, how are things going with you two?
Daria and Jane: Sucks.
Jodie: Really? That抯 too bad. What are you doing for your volunteer project?
Jane: Reverse vandalism.
Daria: Remedial brainwashing.
Jodie: Oh yeah, Daria, you signed up for that Talanted and Gifted School. Funny, I抎 think that would be interesting.
Daria: Picture this: Take Albert Einstein, Socrates, William Shakespeare, and Benjamin Franklin. Put them all together in a room with no rules, no limits, just a lot of opportunities to learn, grow, and discover new things.
Jodie: Sounds pretty cool.
Daria: Now replace the geniuses with a bunch of kids whose parents just thought they were brilliant because they could count higher than the Cookie Monster.
Jodie: Ew. I see your point. So, Jane, what did you really get?
Jane: Graffiti removal.
Jodie: Oh. Well, I can see why that would suck.
Daria: And what are you doing, if I may ask without seeming too interested?
Jodie: Oh, I抦 volunteering at the soup kitchen, the crisis center, and I signed up for an internship at Congressman Sach抯 office. Extra credit, you know.
Jane: Good God, woman, don抰 you ever sleep?
Daria: Wait a minute. Aren抰 those all things you were doing anyway?
Jodie smirks and folds her arms across her chest in satisfaction.
Jane: I抣l be damned.
Daria: I don抰 know whether to be impressed with your little scheme, or pity you for being in the position to pull it off in the first place.
Jodie: (sighs) I抦 teetering between those two possibilities myself.
EXT: Lawndale High
Bell rings.
INT: Cafeteria
Sandi and Stacy sit at the popular table, in silence. Sandi looks vaguely uncomfortable, Stacy looks edgy and timid ?in other words, normal.
Sandi: So?/p>
Stacy: I抦 really sorry, Sandi! I screwed up and got us a bad assignment and I抦 just so, so sorry and it will never happen again!!
Sandi: (wincing) Stacy, people are looking at us!
Stacy: (whisper) I抦 sorry!
Sandi: (sighs) Stacy, give it a rest! You don抰 have to apologize for everything, you know.
Stacy: I抦 sorry!
Sandi rolls her eyes.
Quinn and Tiffany approach and sit down.
Quinn: Hi guys! What抯 new?
Sandi: Well, we were about to discuss the pros and cons of quilting, if we could just get past the sticky point of it being all Stacy抯 fault that we抮e doing it in the first place.
Stacy: I抦 sor?/p>
Sandi: (quickly interrupts) So, how are things at the pound?
Quinn: Oh, it抯 so great to be able to help all the cute little animals there!
Tiffany: I fed the chin-chinny?/p>
Quinn: I mean, sure, some of them aren抰 so cute and little, but they just look at you with those big, sad eyes and your heart just melts, and you just want to bundle them in your arms and tell them everything is going to be all right?/p>
Sandi glances over at Stacy, who抯 looking at her with big, sad eyes.
Quinn: So, how抯 quilting?
Stacy抯 eyes start to well up with tears, and her chin trembles.
Sandi: Well as I was saying, Stacy and I were just talking about that, and I was just about to tell her how it抯, um?(mumbles) not as bad as I thought it would be?
Stacy: I抦 really sor?huh? (she抯 fairly surprised)
Quinn: That抯 great, Sandi!
Tiffany: Really cool...
Stacy: But I thought ?I mean, you didn抰 look like you were having a good time, with that woman who wanted you to call her mother and everything?/p>
Sandi: Well, naturally, I wanted to?maintain a certain emotional distance. (growing confident as she continues her line of BS) I mean, after all, it would have been psychologically damaging to that poor woman if I had actually acted like her daughter, don抰 you think?
Quinn: That抯 so thoughtful of you Sandi.
Sandi: Are you implying that I抎 ever be un-thoughtful?
Quinn: Of course not, Sandi!
Tiffany: You抮e a very thoughtful person?/p>
Stacy: Um?/p>
Sandi glares at her.
Stacy: Always thinking of others, that抯 Sandi!
Sandi tries to smile, but fails and looks glum. Even she抯 not so dense as to think any of it抯 true.
One Week Later?/b>
INT: Lawndale Learning and Growing Facility for the Gifted and Talented
Daria is in a discussion with one of the 搒tudents?who is sitting on her feet.
Daria: Why must you do your paintings while sitting on my feet?
Marty: Why not?
Daria: It抯 annoying.
Marty: We抮e allowed to work wherever we want to.
Daria: And while I suppose I should be honored that you抳e chosen my feet, I still feel compelled to recommend one of the many chairs which have been placed in this classroom for just such an eventuality.
Marty: Your boots are really uncomfortable. Could you take them off?
Daria: I抦 going to say this once, kid: Don抰 dis the boots. And if they抮e so uncomfortable, maybe that抯 a sign that you should go sit somewhere else. This place spent a lot of good money on chairs.
Lou Ann: (another student, overhearing) I just had a discussion with Gordon about experimental societies that don抰 use money.
Daria: Could we try to keep this discussion focused on alterative places to sit beyond my feet?
Lou Ann: Discussions should be allowed to evolve without constraint.
Marty: I think society would be better off without money.
Daria: Yes. That抯 an interesting thought. And if we had no money, there would be no campaigns for political office, since those are wholly dependent on money. Without politicians, we would need other sorts of leaders. Perhaps a leadership structure more like a corporation, with a board of directors, and a chairperson. The chairperson would likely sit in a chair of some kind, as opposed to someone else抯 feet. Why don抰 you try that, Marty?
Marty: You have a very closed mind.
Daria: Let me try this from another angle. The leg muscles are among the strongest voluntary muscles in the human body. I estimate you weigh approximately seventy pounds. How far do you think I could launch you across that carpet with a single kick?
Marty: (glares at Daria) Violence never solved anything.
Daria: Get off my damn feet.
Marge: (from the other end of the room) Children! If I may intrude upon your time, I抎 like to introduce a new learner to our facility. Everyone say hello to Larry!
Link: (for it is he) My name is Link, you retard.
Daria: (suddenly interested) Link?
Link: (Rather surprised) Daria?
Marge: Oh, you two know each other? Isn抰 that wonderful! Daria, you can help with Link抯 introduction to the facility!
Link: (coming over to Daria) What are you doing here?
Daria: You know me. I抦 a sucker for trendy new-age learning environments.
Link: So is my mother. She figured regular school isn抰 stimulating me enough. (mockingly) That抯 why I抦 so down all the time. It couldn抰 possibly be because my stepfather抯 such a jerk and my damn mother spends every afternoon watching talk shows or that stupid Sick-Sad-whatever.
Daria: Um?sure. Well, I wish I could say that this place will work wonders for you, but so far it seems to me like 揙K to Cry Corral?on amphetamines. I抣l tell you what, though, I抣l try to make it a little more tolerable for you while I抦 here, if you could try to do the same for me. And look, there are thirty kids in this room, they can抰 all be flakes.
Link: (watching Elaine toe-dance around the carpet) Don抰 bet on that.
Daria: In the meantime, maybe you can help me with something.
Link: What抯 that?
Daria: Can you get this kid off my feet?
EXT: Lawndale Commons
Floyd: (remember, he抯 the supervisor for Graffiti removal) So you抮e back.
Jane: Yeah. Ready and raring to go.
Floyd: Sure. Anyway, you know the drill. Here抯 your roller. Have fun.
Jane sighs and turns to the wall.
Jane: Look at it this way, Jane. It抯 a shopping center. It doesn抰 deserve something this good painted on it. (with obvious distaste, she starts to paint the wall)
INT: Nursing Home
Stacy is sewing under the direction of Ms. Chaney.
Ms. Chaney: That抯 very good, dear. You really do have a natural talent for this sort of thing.
Stacy: Thanks, Ms. Chaney.
Ms. Chaney: Now Stacy, we抳e talked about this! You抮e going to make me feel like an old woman. Of course, I am an old woman, but that抯 beside the point.
Stacy: Sorry. Janice. (smiles)
Ms. Chaney: That抯 better. Let me see what you抳e done so far. (She accepts the quilt corner from Stacy and looks it over) Very nice, dear. Corner stitching can be the hardest part, and you do it so very well.
Stacy: What are we making these quilts for, anyway?
Ms. Chaney: They don抰 tell us. I think it抯 just to give us something to do, actually. Somewhere under this building there are probably boxes filled to bursting with moldy old quilts.
Stacy: Really?
Ms. Chaney: Of course not, my dear! They抮e given to the homeless, or those in need, or they抮e sold to those who take pity on us for producing such horrid things.
Stacy: (with that droopy I-said-something-stupid expression she does so well) Oops! I抦 sorry!
Ms. Chaney: What on Earth for?
Stacy: For being so stupid! I always say the wrong thing!
Ms. Chaney: No dear, I抦 sorry that I made you feel that way. Forgive me for saying so, but you seem a trifle nervous. Is something wrong?
Stacy: Why would something be wrong?
Ms. Chaney: My point exactly. At the risk of seeming like an old woman spouting platitudes, living a life can be a lot like making a quilt. If you make one little mistake from time to time, it抯 not the end of the world. Just adjust the rest of the pattern to fit, or pull out a few stitches and start over.
Stacy: Um, okay.
Ms. Chaney: I could go on to say how life is a patchwork of experiences, held together by the thread of time, and in the end you have something warm and memorable, but then I really would sound like an old woman spouting platitudes, and as a teenager your instincts would lead you to smile, nod, and not listen to a word I say.
Stacy giggles.
Ms. Chaney: Let me tell you something else that I hope you can take to heart: You抮e not alone in being a little insecure. Most people don抰 have any idea what they抮e doing. Show me someone who acts all self-confident and self-assured, and I抣l show you someone who抯 scared to death that they抣l be exposed as a ?what抯 the word you kids use today? ?揚oser?
Stacy doesn抰 say a word, but looks thoughtfully over at Sandi.
Sandi: Ouch! Dammit, why do they make these needles so sharp!
Mrs. Peabody: Margaret! You watch your language! What would your father say?
INT: Animal Shelter, dogs?cages
Quinn is feeding the dogs.
Quinn: 匒nd there you go, Ralphie, that抯 for you?(she scratches the dog抯 head) oooh, you抮e so adorable, I wish I could take you home with me! (she glances at the tag) That抯 the strangest thing, why do they have the wrong dates on all these tags? It says tomorrow抯 date, just like Snookums?did last week. Oh well. Here抯 some food for you Frankie, and for Dusty, and for?where抯 Snookums?
Quinn has stopped in front of a cage that used to hold Snookums, but now there抯 a different dog in there.
Quinn: Snookums must have found a home! Oh, that抯 so wonderful! But I抦 really going to miss her?Anyway, here抯 one for you (checks name) Boxer.
INT: Animal Shelter, lobby
The phone rings. Tiffany answers it.
Tiffany: Hello?you抳e reached the?Lawndale?Animal?Shelter?can I?help you?
(pause)
Tiffany: I抦 wearing white and avocado?it goes well with the animals?why do you ask?
Quinn skips by happily.
Quinn: Hey Tiffany!
Tiffany: Hey Quinn?(pause, then into phone) That was my friend Quinn?no, there抯 actually four of us in the club?what do you mean, threesome?
Quinn continues to an office door and knocks.
Voice: Come in!
Quinn enters. In the office is the director of the shelter, Mr. Clay.
Quinn: I finished feeding all the dogs, Mr. Clay!
Mr. Clay: Very good work, Quinn! I抦 glad to see you showing so much enthusiasm.
Quinn: Well, what can I say, I love animals. And it抯 so nice that we抮e helping them the way we are. I mean, I抣l miss Snookums, but it抯 nice to know she got a good home and stuff.
Mr. Clay: Snookums?
Quinn: Oh, she was this little white fuzzy poodle or something I saw here last week. Oh, and that reminds me, someone抯 not dating the information cards right, some of them have tomorrow抯 date on them.
Mr. Clay: (suddenly rather grim) Hm. Quinn, do you have a moment? I need to talk to you about something important.
Quinn: Sure. What抯 up?
Mr. Clay: Have a seat. (he gets up and goes to close the door). You see Quinn, we抮e a very small facility here in Lawndale, and we serve not only this community but everything else in a twenty-mile radius. To put it concisely, we have very little space and a lot of stray animals to care for.
Quinn: I know. Isn抰 it great that so many of them get adopted? I think there抯 almost a dozen that were here last week that aren抰 here now.
Mr. Clay: (sighs) Quinn, you don抰 understand. There aren抰 nearly enough people interested in taking home new pets to keep us from getting dangerously overfilled with animals. We just don抰 have the resources to hold them all here until they are adopted.
Quinn: Oh. So, who抯 taking them home? I抎 kind of like to see Snookums again, actually.
Mr. Clay: Quinn, we can抰 care for all these animals, and no one is taking them home. We are in a position here where we have no choice but to use euthanasia.
Quinn: Huh? You抮e sending them over to kids in China?
Mr. Clay: No, Quinn. We?put them to sleep. Painlessly. We try to be as humane as possible.
Quinn is struck speechless.
Mr. Clay: I know this must be hard for you to accept, but understand that we really have no choice. There are simply too many of them for us to handle. I hope we won抰 lose you as a volunteer, you抮e one of the best people I have, and that includes the paid staff.
Quinn抯 chin trembles. Tears are running down her face.
Mr. Clay: I can see that you抮e a very caring person. I抦 sorry that this has upset you so much?/p>
Quinn: (interrupting, whispering) You killed Snookums.
Mr. Clay: Quinn, try not to look at it that way?/p>
Quinn gets up and runs out, crying in earnest now. Mr. Clay sighs and turns his chair toward the window, watching her leave.
EXT: Animal Shelter
Quinn bursts out of the front doors, barely able to see through her tears. She doesn抰 go far, soon collapsing in a sobbing heap on the walkway in front of the building.
after a few minutes...
Voice: Quinn?
Quinn looks up. It抯 Mr. Clay.
Quinn: Go away, you murderer!
Mr. Clay: Quinn, it抯 not a perfect world. If I could save all these animals, I would. But we only have so much space, and so much money. If they don抰 get adopted, what are we to do? Let them starve, or turn them back out on the street?
Quinn: (not crying so hard anymore, but still sobbing a bit) But?there has to be something you can do besides killing them!
Mr. Clay: We try, Quinn. Every week I write letters to the mayor抯 office and the governor asking for more funds. We hold bake sales, we get some money from private donations, and sometimes we抮e able to send animals to other, better-equipped shelters. Most of all, we depend on our volunteers. People like you, Quinn.
Quinn looks up, her eyes no longer so angry.
Mr. Clay: If it weren抰 for our volunteer staff, we would only be able to hold half the animals we do. And the number coming in doesn抰 get any smaller. If you still want to go, I抣l understand, and I抣l give you a passing grade on the project. But we do need you, and I hope you consider coming back. I抣l leave it up to you.
Mr. Clay turns and heads back inside. After a moment, Quinn gets up and follows.
INT: Animal shelter
Quinn is tenderly scratching a cat behind the ears.
Mr. Clay: (calling from the lobby) Quinn! It抯 time to lock up for the night!
Quinn: I抣l be there in a moment!
Deliberately, Quinn places her backpack down beside the cage, then runs out.
EXT: Parking Lot
Mr. Clay: I抦 glad you decided to stay, Quinn. I know it抯 painful, but I think in the end you抣l know you made the right decision.
Quinn: I hope so, Mr. Clay. (she snaps her fingers) Oh! I left my backpack inside!
Mr. Clay: (looks at his watch) Quinn, it抯 late and I have an appointment. Can it wait until tomorrow?
Quinn: No, it has my history paper in it, I have to turn it in tomorrow morning!
Mr. Clay: (digs out his keys) Go ahead, Quinn. But be quick.
Quinn: Thanks! (she runs into the building)
Mr. Clay waits for a moment, which turns into a longer moment. He taps his foot impatiently. He checks his watch again.
Jake抯 Lexus pulls up, and Daria rolls down the passenger side window.
Daria: Where抯 Quinn?
Mr. Clay: She forgot her backpack. Apparently, she also forgot where she left it. How long does it take?
Daria: Quinn couldn抰 find her left foot if you showed her the right one and told her to look for one just like it.
Mr. Clay: You must be her older sister.
Daria: How抎 you guess?
Mr. Clay: I have an older brother.
Jake: Daria, this is the right place, isn抰 it?
Daria: Yes, Dad. Quinn抯 just saying bye-bye to all the animals.
Mr. Clay: Ah, Mr. Morgendorffer, I presume?
Daria: No flies on you.
Mr. Clay: I抎 like to tell you how proud we are of Quinn. She抯 the best volunteer we have. A very caring and sensitive girl.
Jake: Um?thanks!
Quinn: (Running up quickly, tossing the keys to Mr. Clay) Found it! Thanks, bye!
Mr. Clay: Goodbye, Quinn. See you next week.
Jake: How was your day, Quinn?
Quinn: Dad, step on it! We抮e going to miss Fashion Vision!
Daria: Yeah, Dad. You wouldn抰 want to miss that.
The Lexus pulls out, leaving Mr. Clay shaking his head with amusement.
INT: Lexus
Quinn is sitting nervously in the back seat, looking over her shoulder. Her backpack is held tightly on her lap.
Daria: It抯 okay, Quinn. He抯 not following us.
Jake: Someone抯 following us? It抯 that guy who said how sensitive you are, isn抰 it? I knew it, he抯 a stalker! Those beady little eyes, that leering look! I抣l teach him to leer at my daughter!!
Quinn: Da-AD, he抯 just my boss. But, um, don抰 let that stop you from driving faster, there抯 no telling who else might be following.
Daria: Uh-oh. Quinn got the paranoia gene.
Noise: Mew!
Daria抯 looks up, and turns around. Quinn抯 backpack is wriggling.
Daria: Quinn?
Quinn stares at Daria with wide, pleading eyes.
Jake: Did you hear something, kiddo?
Quinn: Must be the radio, dad. Can you turn it up, I can抰 hear it very well.
Jake turns up the radio.
Noise: Meow!
Daria, still turned around, notices a kitten poking its head out of Quinn抯 jacket. She says nothing, however.
Jake: I抦 sure I hear something. Quinn, is that you back there?
Quinn: Mew! Mew-mew! I抦, um, practicing my kitty noises. It makes the animals more relaxed around me.
Daria: Quinn, hasn抰 anyone ever told you it抯 a bad idea to take your work home with you? (She points at the kitten coming out of Quinn抯 jacket.)
Quinn pushes the kitten gently back inside, only to have a rabbit poke its head out the other side. Daria shakes her head with disbelief. Quinn puts a finger to her lips, desperately signaling quiet.
Daria: Dad? Have you ever tried cooking rabbit stew?
Jake: Hmm?interesting idea, Daria!
Quinn hurriedly zips up her jacket.
Noise: WOOF!!
Jake checks the rearview mirror.
Quinn: (smiling nervously) Um?bow-wow?
INT: Morgendorffer home
Quinn bursts in, runs up the stairs with her backpack and holding her jacket tightly together, dashes into her room, and slams the door.
Daria follows soon thereafter, walking calmly up the stairs.
Jake comes in.
Jake: Rabbit stew?sounds like it抯 time to break out the ol?crock pot!
INT: Quinn抯 room.
Quinn opens her jacket, allowing two kittens, a larger cat, and a rabbit out onto her bed. Then she unzips the backpack, withdrawing a small dog from one compartment, and two more kittens from the other.
Quinn: It抯 okay, guys, you抮e safe now. No one抯 going to hurt you.
Knock-Knock
Quinn: Um?I抦 not decent!!
Daria: That抯 way too easy a setup, Quinn.
Quinn: Daria! Go away!
Daria: Fine. I抣l just go mention to Dad that I抳e found the first ingredient for his stew up here.
Quinn: No, Daria!
She jumps up, opens the door, and pulls Daria inside, closing it quickly.
Daria: Hey! I was kidding about the stew, you know. I抎 never actually encourage him to experiment in the kitchen.
Quinn: You抮e not going to tell him, are you?
Daria: Depends.
Quinn: On what?
Daria: Well, I think ten dollars a pet will keep me quiet.
Quinn: Daria!
Daria: Of course, there抯 Mom, too. Maybe I should up the price to twenty?/p>
Quinn: Fine! (she whips out her purse and counts seventy dollars into Daria抯 hands) There, are you happy?
Daria: (riffles through the bills) Actually, I抦 impressed. I didn抰 think you could multiply that accurately.
Quinn: Just don抰 tell Mom and Dad, all right?
Daria: You know, you抮e not going to be able to keep this a secret for long.
Quinn: I抣l worry about that later.
Daria: A pleasure doing business with you. Enjoy your pets.
She leaves.
INT: Daria抯 room
Daria dials the phone.
Jane picks up. Split screen.
Jane: Yo!
Daria: Hey.
Jane: Hey, how was your day with our future leaders of America?
Daria: Ran into an old friend. Remember Link?
Jane: The kid with the complex? Sure. How抯 he doing?
Daria: Depressed, cynical, and cranky with the world.
Jane: My kind of kid.
Daria: That wasn抰 the most interesting thing that happened all day though.
Jane: Oh? Do tell.
Daria: Quinn brought home a few inmates from the pound. A dog, a rabbit, and at least four cats. Sneaked them in right under Dad抯 nose.
Jane: Well, Jake never was one of your more perceptive people.
Daria: Sure, getting them home was no problem, but she抣l never keep them under wraps for long. If she wanted a pet so badly, why didn抰 she just ask for one? Dad抯 always wanted a cat.
Jane: I抦 guessing she had other motives.
Daria: Well, apart from the rabbit, they don抰 seem like they抎 be very tasty.
Jane: Obviously you抳e never been to Korea. But seriously, she was probably just trying to save their little hides
Daria: From what? I mean, doing time can抰 be pleasant, but it抯 not like they ?/p>
Pause.
Daria: They do, don抰 they?
Jane: If you mean buying them a one-way ticket on the Heavenly Express, that抯 a big yes. There was a local controversy about it a few years ago, but then Tommy Sherman won the State Championship and suddenly there were more interesting things to talk about.
Daria is silent for a moment. She looks at the money in her hands with a guilty expression.
Jane: You still there?
Daria: Um, yeah. Listen, I need to go check on something. I抣l call you later, OK?
Jane: Whatever.
Daria hangs up, and sits for a moment with a thoughtful look on her face.
INT: Quinn抯 room
Quinn is petting a kitten. There抯 a knock on her door.
Quinn: Um?I抦 not feeling well, come back later?
There抯 no answer.
Quinn: Daria? Dad? Mom, is that you?
Still no answer. Quinn moves the kitten and the rabbit off her lap, tiptoes across the room, and cautiously opens the door. There抯 a small box in the hall, which she drags in, and looks at the note attached to it.
Quinn: (reading) Dear Quinn, don抰 you dare think I抳e gone soft. Daria.
Puzzled, Quinn opens the box. Inside are three open cans of tuna, some chopped-up meat, a pile of lettuce leaves, and a carrot. In addition, there抯 the money she gave to Daria.
Quinn: (smiling) Thanks, Daria.
Next Morning...
INT: A bathroom
Jake, in his bathrobe, enters the bathroom and looks at his face in the mirror, rubbing at his whiskers. He shakes up a can of shaving cream and sprays it into his hand. A cat jumps onto the counter and meows at him.Jake: (sleepy) Hi, kitty.
Jake applies the shaving cream to his face while the cat watches.
Cat: Mew!
Jake: Helen, did you feed the cat?
Helen: (from bed, where she抯 still almost sleeping) We don抰 have a cat, Jake.
Jake: Oh yeah. My mistake.
Jake commences shaving. He抯 about halfway done when?/i>
Jake: (suddenly freaked out) GAAHH!!
Jake drops the razor and looks frantically about for the cat, which has moved on to other, more interesting places. In short, the cat is gone.
Jake: HELEN! Where did the cat go?
Helen: I told you, Jake, we don抰 have a cat.
Jake: But?but there was a cat here! Right here in the bathroom!!
Helen: Yes, and last week there was a squirrel in the pantry. Jake, I抦 really very tired, I was at the office very late last night?/p>
Jake: There was a cat! I know I saw a cat!
Helen: Oh, for the love of God, Jake?/p>
INT: Quinn抯 room
Quinn is holding the cat in question while listening at the door.
Quinn: Whew! At least it was just Dad. (to the cat) Snowball, what have I told you about leaving the room while Mom and Dad are home? You know we抮e all in trouble if any of you guys get caught!
Cat: Mew!
Quinn: I know, you抮e hungry. Dad will be gone in half an hour, and then I can get you some food. We just have to wait a little, that抯 all.
INT: Lawndale High
Daria and Jane are walking to class.
Daria: So it seems you were right. Quinn抯 brought all these animals home out of the goodness of her heart, and hasn抰 been entirely successful in keeping them under wraps. I wonder if she抣l learn the value of thinking things through.
Jane: Speaking of which, have you considered that the shelter offs a few animals every week? Quinn抯 not likely to stop here.
Daria: Couldn抰 just let me be miserable in the here and now, could you? You had to point out the black clouds on the horizon as well.
Jane: Look on the bright side. Quinn抯 going to get in so much trouble over this, she抣l be grounded until her senior prom.
Daria: True. The funny thing is, I think she抯 doing something genuinely unselfish and decent for the first time in her life. I don抰 think I抣l get much satisfaction watching this one blow up in her face.
Jane: No good deed goes unpunished. Look at me ?I sign up to remove graffiti, and they actually make me remove graffiti.
Daria: Think how I feel, surrounded by all these would-be child prodigies. At least the graffiti isn抰 looking for hidden meaning in the works of Beatrix Potter. If I have to sit in on one more of those ridiculous pseudo-deep discussions, I抣l probably blow a gasket.
Jane: Why not try a little creative education into the ways of the real world? We did pretty well with Guptys.
Daria: Three problems: There抯 no TV, the other coordinators would catch on and put a stop to it, and I don抰 have a partner in crime.
Jane: There抯 always Link.
Daria: We抎 still be outnumbered twelve to one, and the lack of TV is a considerable handicap. But it may be worth a shot. Now that we抳e solved all my problems, how are things in the world of monochrome wall painting?
Jane: I die a little bit with each swipe of the roller. Other than that, peachy.
EXT: Lawndale High
Sandi, Stacy, and Tiffany stand around outside the front doors. Sandi looks very impatient.
Sandi: Where is Quinn?
Tiffany: Um?/p>
Sandi: Stacy, how late is Quinn now?
Stacy: Nine minutes, Sandi.
Sandi: This is entirely inappropriate behavior. Coordination check is not something to be blown off like some math quiz. We can抰 possibly accessorize without everyone here for ?/p>
Quinn: (coming in running) I抦 here! I抦 sorry! I got held up at home!
Sandi: Quinn, if you aren抰 going to take Coordination Check seriously, please let the rest of us know so we can plan as a threesome for the day rather than as a foursome.
Tiffany: That guy on the phone said something about a threesome?maybe he was psychic?/p>
Quinn: I抦 so sorry, Sandi! Really, I am! It won抰 happen again.
Sandi: I suppose we can forgive this one transgression, Stacy.
Stacy: Huh?
Sandi: I mean, Quinn. (Sandi sniffles for no apparent reason) That habit you have of constantly apologizing for everything; it threw me off.
Stacy looks a little miffed, but says nothing.
Sandi: Anyway, Tiffany, if you would assume your duties as Coordinating Officer, we can proceed. (Sandi rubs her eyes and sniffles again)
Tiffany: All right?We抣l start with roll call?Sandi?
Sandi: We抮e all here, Tiffany! (sniffles more forcefully. She抯 starting to sound distinctly stuffed up) Get on with it!
Tiffany: Um?All right. Quinn, isn抰 that the same jacket you wore yesterday to the shelter?
Quinn: Is it? I must have, um, gotten dressed in a hurry this morning.
Sandi: There are some things you make time for. (sniffles) There抯 no excuse for repeating any garment twice in as many days. As Vice President of the Fashion Club, Quidd, it is incumbent upon you to set an example -
Quinn: Quidd?
Sandi: I said ?(she sneezes suddenly) Ah-CHOO!!
Stacy: Bless you.
Sandi: As I was saying, you of all people should know the importadce of takig the decessary tibe to dress id the mordig?AH-CHOOO!!
Tiffany: Sandi?eww?/p>
Stacy: What抯 wrong, Sandi? Your eyes are all red!
Sandi: I dod抰 dow what抯 wrog! Wait?is there a buddy aroud here?
Quinn: A buddy?
Sandi: Not a buddy, a buddy! A bud-dy! A buddy rabbit!!
Quinn: I don抰 think so?/p>
Tiffany: We fed the bunnies yesterday at the shelter?/p>
Quinn: (looking over her jacket) Oh look, there抯 still some rabbit fur on my jacket.
Sandi: Quidd, I抌 allergic to buddies!!
Quinn: Oops.
Stacy: Oh no! Sandi, your skin抯 getting all blotchy!
Sandi: Oooh!! Ah-CHOOOO!! (she runs off)
Tiffany: Hmm?no one else is wearing rabbit fur, so I guess that won抰 be a problem?(she looks around) Where did Sandi go?
INT: Pizza Prince
Jane and Daria are splitting a pie.
Jane: So, tell me more about this Link character. You know, what kind of pizza does he like, what kind of music does he listen to, is he single?
Daria: Jane, he抯 eleven years old.
Jane: Hey, he抣l be legal in five, then. Seriously, what抯 the lowdown on this kid?
Daria: Well, he抯 a tough kid in a tough situation. His family life is really screwed up, and unfortunately he抯 smart enough to realize exactly how screwed up it is. Actually, I don抰 really know him all that well.
Jane: Sounds like you抳e got some insight into his feelings. You know him well enough to know he抯 angry and depressed.
Daria: Anyone who talks to him for five seconds can tell that. He bites the heads off people who try to get close. He抯 angry at the whole world.
Jane: I thought you said the two of you were hitting it off.
Daria: We seem to have similar outlooks on life, but his walls are miles thick. He抯 got a lot of emotional baggage for someone his age. Most people aren抰 that bitter until they get deep into middle age ?sooner if they become teachers. I don抰 know if I抣l ever really be able to connect with him.
Jane: Look, Daria, it抯 not easy getting to know a hard-bitten cynic with a black perspective on the world. Trust me on this one. But you never know, sometimes the effort really pays off.
Daria: (a little embarrassed) Um?thanks, I guess.
Jane: Of course, I got stuck with you, but on the other hand Link might be worth getting to know.
Daria: (smirks)
INT: Daria抯 room
Daria flops down on her bed.
Cat: MEOW!!!
Daria: Aaah!!
The cat (which Daria inadvertently flopped down on) scrambles out of her room. Daria looks like she抯 contemplating running after it, but decides it wouldn抰 be worth the effort. Instead, she turns on the TV.
TV: A thirty-foot jungle snake on the loose in Saskatchewan targets the Royal Canadian Mounted Police for lunch! The Mounty Python, next, on Sick-Sad-World!
Daria switches off the TV, picking up the phone instead. She checks a note on her bedside table, then punches in a number.
INT: Hotel Room
The phone rings. Tom picks it up.
Tom: Hello?
SPLIT SCREEN
Daria: Hey, Tom.
Tom: Daria! I didn抰 expect to hear from you tonight.
Daria: Better get those coeds out of your hotel room, then.
Tom: If I do that, the chambermaids will just figure it抯 their turn. How抯 life in Lawndale?
Daria: Eh, same old same old. Except for the pitter-patter of little feet around the house.
Tom: Wow, Quinn works fast. I抳e only been gone two weeks.
Daria: You抮e more right than you know. Remember that community service thing?
Tom: Sure. But I didn抰 realize they meant that kind of service.
Daria: Quinn抯 working at the local animal shelter. Turns out they euthanize the excess animals, and Quinn抯 little heart went out to them. So we now have half a dozen new housemates.
Tom: How are your parents taking it?
Daria: They don抰 know about it yet. It抯 only a matter of time, but meanwhile I抦 sharing my bedroom with escaped cats.
Tom: Hm. You know, I remember something about that shelter. My mother was thinking of making a private donation to them last year ?you know, tax write-off ?but she didn抰 like their policies so she sent it to the Fremont shelter instead.
Daria: The Fremont shelter?
Tom: Yeah, there抯 a larger facility there. And it抯 a no-kill shelter. My mother preferred their more enlightened attitude.
Daria: Of course, if she抎 given the money to Lawndale, they probably wouldn抰 have to kill the animals.
Tom: I mentioned it at the time. She wasn抰 impressed.
Daria: Hm. So how抯 the college hunt going?
Tom: You抣l be pleased to know that football is even more important at this level than it is in high school. But on the upside, the professors are allowed to use off-color language in their lectures.
Daria: Your tuition dollars at work.
INT: Animal Shelter
Quinn is sitting at the front desk, handling the phone. She抯 also going down a list of animals at the shelter, making little stars next to some of them. Once she抯 finished with that, she flips through her coral pink day planner and selects a number.
INT: Joey抯 room
Joey抯 hanging out with Jeffy and Jamie, watching football. In one corner of the room is a shrine to the worship of Quinn, with lots of pictures and a red telephone (the 換uinn Hotline? which has never, ever rung.
The red telephone rings. Needless to say, the three boys are thunderstruck.
Joey: D-did that really just happen?
Jeffy: It can抰 be!
Jamie: Hang on a second?/p>
The phone rings again.
Jeffy: MINE!! (lunges for the phone)
Jamie: I GOT IT!! (similar lunge)
Joey: IT扴 MY ROOM!!! (jumps over both of them)
There抯 a mad struggle for the phone, which ends with Joey on top.
Joey: Hello? Quinn? Is that you?
SPLIT SCREEN
Quinn: Well of course it抯 me, Joey. I mean, unless you抳e been giving this number out to other girls!
Joey: I抎 never do that, Quinn! Never, never, never!
Jeffy: What抯 she saying?
Jamie: Did she mention my name?
Joey: Quiet, guys! (into phone) Sorry, Quinn, the other guys are being kind of rude.
Quinn: Oh, that抯 okay, just tell them hi and I抣l talk to them soon. Listen, Joey, have you ever wanted a pet? Like?(Quinn consults her list) ?a terrier, or a cocker spaniel?
Joey: I don抰 know?I never really thought about it, and my mother said once she wasn抰 too keen on having a pet?/p>
Quinn: Oh, that抯 too bad. There抯 the cutest little dog down here at the shelter that抯 about to get adopted by some Russian family who抯 taking him back to Moscow, and I抎 just miss him so much! I was thinking, if only someone I knew would adopt him instead, and take him home, and take really good care of him, I could come by and see him.
Joey: I just don抰 know?/p>
Quinn: I抎 come by and see him a whole lot, Joey.
Joey: I抳e always wanted a dog! What do I need to do?
Quinn: Just come on down to the shelter, and I抣l set it all up for you! Thanks so much, Joey, I抳e always liked you best. Can you put Jeffy on, you know, so I can tell him?
Joey: Sure! (hands phone to Jeffy with a smirk) Quinn has something to tell you!
Jeffy: Hi Quinn!
Quinn: Hi, Jeffy! You know how I抳e always liked you best?have you ever considered adopting a pair of cats?
EXT: City Park
Jane approaches a long wall with a roller in her hand and a camera around her neck. An almost visible cloud of guilt hangs over her head. She looks down the wall, seeing the swirls of color painted by some of Lawndale抯 anonymous artists. Trent approaches behind her.
Jane: See what I mean, Trent?
Trent: Yup. It抯 a wall, all right.
Jane: I wonder if I got enough pictures. Maybe I should get something from this angle too.
She takes up the camera and fires off a couple of shots toward the far end of the wall. Suddenly, she抯 very angry at the whole thing.
Jane: Dammit, what am I doing? I抦 not a sell-out! I mean, next year I抣l be eighteen, I can just drop out of high school and they抣l have nothing to say about it!
Trent: Come on, Janey. You don抰 want to do that.
Jane: Yeah, I know. But think of how you抎 feel if someone told you to go to a record store and rub all the albums with sandpaper.
Trent: Hmm... can I start with the Disco collection?
Jane: (smiles in spite of herself) Oh, well. I guess the guys who painted this stuff up here didn抰 expect it to last anyway. I just hate being the one who has to white it out.
Trent: You know, Janey, if I were painting that wall, I抎 do it in black. It would make more of a statement, I think.
Jane: Yeah, well if I were painting it, I抎 leave these walls alone, and do a huge mural on that other wall that shows how I feel about this town and this stupid project.
Trent: Um, Janey?you are painting it.
Jane抯 eyes go wide, her jaw drops, and the roller slips out of her hand to splash wetly on the concrete.
Jane: You know something, Trent? You抮e absolutely right. (she smiles in a crafty way) Lawndale, when it comes to graffiti, you ain抰 seen nothing yet!
INT: Lawndale Learning Facility for the Gifted and Talented
Link is sitting by himself in a corner of the room, playing with a checkerboard. He makes a move, then spins the board around so he can play the other side. A girl about his age approaches.
Megan: (the girl) Hey new kid, do you want to join our discussion on current events?
Link: I have a headache. That current enough for you?
Daria: (approaching from behind) Don抰 steal my material, Link.
Link: (looking up) Thank God, someone almost normal. Where the hell have you been?
Daria: Hey, it抯 a long walk. (to Megan) Link and I are going to have some one-on-one, Megan. Why don抰 you ask Elaine to join your little discussion?
Link: Yeah, maybe she抣l waltz some interesting arguments about conflicts in the Middle East.
Megan shrugs, and exits.
Link continues playing solo checkers.
Daria: Could you use an opponent?
Link: Are you kidding? You抎 kick my butt.
Daria: Why else would I ask to play?
Link doesn抰 smile.
Daria: So, is this place getting you down?
Link: It抯 not home, so it does have one thing going for it.
Daria: Things are rough at home, huh?
Link: Don抰 play shrink with me, Daria. I have enough people doing that.
Daria: I抦 not trying to be a shrink. I抦 trying to be a friend.
Link: Okay, friend. Why don抰 you tell me about all of your problems?
Daria: Fair enough. We can start with this idiotic assignment. I signed up to be a tutor, I end up being a babysitter. Present company excepted, I don抰 think I抳e ever seen such a bunch of wackos. And I抳e been to High School.
Link: See? That抯 the thing. You signed up for this. You had a choice. I don抰 have any choices.
Daria: My other choice was clearing out the storm drains on Main Street, but yes, in a technical sense I had a choice.
Link: Whatever.
Daria: It抯 a fact of life, Link. We all go through it. When you抮e a child, you don抰 get much of a choice. It won抰 get much better anytime real soon, unfortunately. But it will get better eventually. Especially since Ms. Li will probably retire by the time you get to Lawndale High.
Link: Whoopty-doopty-do.
Daria: Link, this isn抰 easy for me. Could you try to meet me halfway here?
Link: What抯 not easy? Being a friend, or being a psychiatrist?
Daria: I haven抰 got that much experience at either one. And I抦 not trying to psychoanalyze you. I抦 trying to get to know you.
Link: (looks her in the eye for the first time) You want to get to know me? Fine. I抦 the kid that everyone always says was such a quiet young man, never really talked much. Not the kind of person you抎 expect to climb a clock tower with a machine gun and wipe out half his graduating class.
Daria: Link ?/p>
Link: Don抰 freak out on me, it抯 not like I could get a machine gun anyway.
Daria: Link, let me tell you something. And if you never listen to anything else, listen to this.
Link: I抦 listening. (he doesn抰 seem to be listening very hard)
Daria: You know that I抦 not one for opening up to people. We have that in common. But I learned, after a while, that you need someone in your life, even if it抯 just one person, whom you can trust. I can live with it if you don抰 think I抦 that person. Just make sure you find someone. Because eventually, people stop trying to get to know you. And loneliness is everything it抯 cracked up to be.
Link: (unmoved) I could use a little more loneliness right now.
Daria stands up and walks away, throwing one last look over her shoulder. After a moment, Link looks up, as if he抯 about to say something. But he doesn抰, and instead turns sadly back to his checkerboard.
INT: Nursing Home
Sandi is struggling to get two squares of fabric sewn together. Her fingers are well-bandaged by now.
Sandi: How the hell is this supposed to work? The needle isn抰 even straight!
Mrs. Peabody: Now Margaret, I抳e told you about that language!
Sandi: Look lady, I抳e been as patient with you as I possibly can under very trying circumstances, but my name is Sandi and I抦 not your freakin?daughter!! Besides, if you had a daughter, she抯 be, like, fifty years old by now!
Mrs. Peabody: Well, I never! You young people are so rude these days! You come into my home and start acting all high-and-mighty, thinking you can be discourteous to someone just because they抮e elderly! You should be ashamed of yourself.
Sandi: (a bit guilty) Um, I抦 sor ?/p>
Mrs. Peabody: Besides, you抣l be old yourself one day, and when you are you抣l be sorry you were so nasty to your poor mother!
Sandi: Oooh!!
In the meantime, Stacy is putting a few finishing touches on her quilt.
Ms. Chaney: Very good, dear. I don抰 think I抳e ever seen anyone catch on to the art of quilting so quickly. We抣l be done ahead of schedule by a whole week!
Stacy: Well, you抮e a really good teacher, Janice.
Ms. Chaney: Perhaps we should help your friend over there. She seems to be getting awfully frustrated.
Stacy: (under her breath) Good.
Ms. Chaney: Pardon, dear?
Stacy: Hm? Oh, nothing. Tell me, do you know how to sew clothes too?
Ms. Chaney: Why certainly, dear. I made clothes for all my children while they were growing up, and my mother did the same for me. Of course, the Depression was on, so she didn抰 have much choice. It was either learn to stitch or let the kids go naked.
Stacy giggles.
Ms. Chaney: Oh, but you don抰 want to hear an old woman go on about things you learn about in History class.
Stacy: No! I?kind of like hearing about it. I mean, you make it sound interesting, like it really happened instead of it just being all dates and places and stuff.
Ms. Chaney: That抯 sweet, dear. It抯 really nice to know that kids today can sometimes remember that we were all young once, and we knew how to live. Let me tell you about the summer of ?1, that was a wild one ?/p>
Ms. Chaney is interrupted by a loud clatter over in Sandi抯 direction.
Sandi: What did you just say??
Mrs. Peabody: Oh dearie, there抯 no need to get all upset. Your mother just needs a little help using the commode, that抯 all. Come now, it never bothered you before?/p>
Sandi: That抯 IT!! I抳e ruined a manicure, my dress has blood on it, I抳e got some kind of rash from Quinn抯 stupid rabbits, and this quilt ?(she holds up three sewn together squares of material, one of which promptly falls off) ?this STUPID QUILT is never, never going to get done because all you do is sit in your delusional world when you抮e supposed to be showing me how to sew without putting holes in my fingers, and now you want me to help you with the TOILET?!?
Mrs. Peabody: Now Margaret, you抮e making a scene. Just get over here and help your mother to the bathroom.
Sandi抯 face goes bright red. She looks like she might explode. Finally, she does.
Sandi: AAAAAUUUUGH!!!!
She runs over to Stacy and pulls her out of her chair by the lapels.
Sandi: Stacy! I can抰 take this anymore!! Get me out of here, I?I need to shop!! (her eyes get a crazy glint) Take me to Cashmans! I need to see the new winter fashions!! I need to make Quinn feel inferior! I need to tell Tiffany she doesn抰 look fat!! I need a credit card ?FOR GOD扴 SAKE, SOMEBODY GET ME A CREDIT CARD!!!
Sandi starts hyperventilating. Stacy, who was understandably startled, pulls herself together.
Stacy: (shaking Sandi by the shoulders) Sandi! Get a grip!! (she slaps Sandi on the face, not too hard, but enough to get her attention)
Sandi: (catching her breath) I?I?um?/p>
Stacy: It抯 all right, Sandi. It抯 going to be okay. Just sit down here, and I抣l get you some water or something.
Sandi: Um?/p>
Stacy leaves to go get some water. Sandi sits for a moment, calming down, glancing around at everyone staring at her. Her cheeks are flushed with intense embarrassment.
Sandi: (more to herself than anyone else) I抦 okay?I抦 okay?no problem?I抦 the President of the Fashion Club?I抦 in charge?I can handle it?/p>
Mrs. Peabody: Well, Margaret? Aren抰 you going to help me? I can抰 hold it in forever, you know.
Sandi: (to Ms. Chaney) Save me!
Ms. Chaney: Of course, dear. I抣l get a nurse. (she starts to stand up)
Sandi: No! Don抰 leave me with her!! Please!!
Ms. Chaney sighs, and sits back down to wait for Stacy.
INT: Animal Shelter
Quinn: (on phone) That is so sweet of you, Corey! 匰ure, we抮e on for Chez Pierre this weekend! I can hardly wait! Just come on down here sometime before six o抍lock and little Bowser will be waiting for you!
Quinn hangs up the phone and slumps back into her chair. She抯 fairly exhausted.
Quinn: God, who would have imagined talking on the phone could get so tiring! Let抯 see now, I found homes for Daisy, Nicodemus, Vinny, Ming, Sunshine, Alex?and Bowser. But that still leaves two dogs, three cats, and another rabbit! What am I going to do?
Mr. Clay walks by the desk.
Mr. Clay: Oh, Quinn, there you are. I just met some of your friends, coming in to pick up some animals. I抦 glad to see you抮e spreading the word around. Every pet that gets adopted makes room for another homeless one.
Quinn: I抦 trying so hard, Mr. Clay. I just hope it抯 enough.
Mr.Clay: (more serious) Quinn, I know what you抮e trying to do here, and while I applaud your efforts, please realize that we抳e been down this road before. I think it抯 commendable that you抮e doing everything in your power to get more animals adopted, but in the end I抦 afraid you抣l find that there are more strays and unwanted pets than there are people to take them in.
Quinn: (softly) I just want to save as many as I can?/p>
Mr. Clay: And that抯 understandable. Just?try not to set yourself a hopeless task.
Quinn: Yes, Mr. Clay.
Quinn turns back to her list as Mr. Clay leaves. She sees a number of names crossed off, but an equal number that have stars next to them and are not crossed off.
Quinn: I guess I should go say goodbye?/p>
INT: Morgendorffer Home
Jake is getting ready to prepare one of his infamous dinners.
Jake: Let抯 see, got the wok, got the mushrooms, got the beef?wait a minute! This package had two pounds of meat! Who took the meat out of this package?!
Jake checks the package on a small kitchen scale..
Jake: Dammit! Only a pound and a half! Where am I going to get half a pound of beef?
Jake turns to rummage through the refrigerator. A rabbit hops leisurely across the counter behind him and starts nibbling on the shredded cabbage.
Jake: Hmm?got some beets, got some corn, got some leftover kitchen sink stew ?hey, I haven抰 made that in two months! Why the hell do we eat frozen lasagna every night when we have all these leftovers?
A dog jumps onto the counter opposite the rabbit. It growls softly.
Jake: Why don抰 we have any damned meat in here? Hey, here抯 some meatloaf! I could make a stir fry with that! Hm, and if I add this leftover burger from the Labor Day cookout, that should just about cover it!
Dog: Woof WOOF!!
Jake: GAAAHH!! (he jumps, startled out of his wits, and bumps his head on the refrigerator shelf. An avalanche of food and drink cascades down on him) What the hell was that??
Jake scrambles to his feet and slips in the eggs, but manages to grab the counter and hang on. He looks around frantically, but the rabbit and dog have been scared off by his accident with the refrigerator. Jake runs out of the kitchen into the living room, but there are no animals to be seen.
Jake: You can抰 hide from me, dammit! I抣l find you!! So help me, I抣l find you ALL!!!
INT: Animal Shelter
Quinn is petting a small dog, looking sadly into its eyes as she does.
Quinn: Goodbye, Frankie. I抦 going to miss you. I抦 sorry it had to be this way.
Quinn is momentarily distracted by someone walking by with an armload of boxes. He bumps her slightly on the shoulder.
Theo: (that抯 his name) Oh, 抯cuse me, miss. Didn抰 see you there.
Quinn: It抯 all right. (making conversation) Haven抰 seen you before.
Theo: Oh, I just deliver the dog food. Big shipment in this week. Gotta get rid of these boxes.
Quinn: Sure. (she pauses, struck with a thought) Hey, do you think I could have a couple of those? My, um, cousin is moving up to college.
Theo: Take all you want! I sure don抰 mind not having to drag 抏m out.
Quinn: Thanks! (she runs off)
Theo: Hm. Cute girl. (He goes to fetch more boxes, whistling as he works.)
INT: Animal Shelter Lobby
Quinn grabs the phone and dials.
Quinn: Hi, Dad??Yeah, I抣l be ready to leave at six-thirty... Animals? No, I haven't seen any animals around the house... Listen do you have room in the car for a few boxes? I, um, need to pack up some clothes and put them into storage, you know, to wait until they抮e retro?Great, thanks Dad!
She hangs up, and dials another number
Quinn: Hey, Marcus? It抯 Quinn. Remember last week, how all the animals got adopted and you didn抰 have to come in to, you know, euphemism them??That抯 what I said. Anyway, all the animals on the list this week got adopted at the last minute?I know, isn抰 it weird? Two weeks in a row?Anyway, you don抰 have to come in tomorrow?Sure, no problem, I抣l take care of the paperwork! G抌ye.
Quinn hangs up again, pulls out her list of animal names, and crosses off the remaining six. She looks back over her shoulder toward the kennel.
Quinn: I hope you guys don抰 mind sharing a room.
end part one...